To the end of the affair….

4 Jul

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2nd July 22:54 From Married Mr M

Hi babe

I know you would love to hate me but…..I have done 300 miles today and I apologise for not being in touch but I think the world of you x

I haven’t replied to him….I haven’t emailed him since 1st July…he has not contacted me since.

Part of me wishes to hear from him…

but then I think of my husband…..

I think of Mr M wife, his children…..

I think if its not me then he only find another….

if its not him…I will only find another.

He was still using illicit encounters, his profile was still active although he said “as a man we can’t send / read messages unless we pay and I haven’t paid”.

How do I know he hasn’t paid?

How can a married person be faithful to their lover….when they entwined in a sexual affair in the first place, the chemistry, the drug like feeling…the heightened senses of pleasures, the secret calls, the longing….

Mr M thinks the world of me….what world? He doesn’t care for me soul, the same way he doesn’t care for his wifes soul. Do I care for my husbands soul? Oh the guilt is returning, I know my husband cares for my soul but I can’t get over this sense of longing for the married lover I said good-bye to. Can I say hello to him again?! Like that first phone call, the first day, the first sex…..

I will NOT contact him, I will NOT contact him….I will NOT contact him, phew this is proving harder than I thought

……..lies and guilt?!….

 

 

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