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Affair partners…..

24 Aug

Affair partners.....

<p>”The big difference between buying a house and choosing a partner is, faulty houses make good renovation projections and faulty people don’t”. Steve Fowler

I don’t see people as faulty however I am mindful that no one is perfection.

With each man that has entered my life recently there seems to be this “history” that turns me off. I don’t know if I am merely uncovering stones in the hope of finding anything that will make me stay unattached to them. My dear husband regardless of his flaws doesn’t seem to have this “history” but maybe he was smart enough not to tell me.

Simon – he has enjoyed group sex, no no no – let me rephrase that. According to him he watched group sex but it was “wife swap” with another couple. When he first met his wife he took her along to meet another couple – she had sex with the man, he with the other women. Did you feel any jealousy Simon? No, I hardly knew her. Phew this man can be so emotionally detached at times, or is it me? Am I a prude? Prior to this, he spent a night with the same couple and it was sex all night. Did I really need to know that his manhood could perform like this? Or that they took a break half way to eat ham sandwiches? Ouch, ham sandwiches make me sick. And what really angers….he wants sex unprotected with me ..”If I had anything it would have shown by now”. (Simon, has never been tested but continues to think it would “show” somehow). What world is this man living in? Prior to him being married but in a relationship and asked “Are you married?” he would say no but not mention the relationship – “I was truthful really”. This sends alarm bells in my head for the mere fact that I could be asking a question and thinking I am being told the truth.

Mr Executive – I just can’t bring myself to talk about him as for once I’m feeling sorry for the wife. They required IVF to conceive and have a beautiful charming five year old daughter. The last child who is only 9 months was the most difficult, IVF failed several times causing stress for both he and his wife. What does he do? He has an affair (not with me). I didn’t realise until recently during deep conversations that his youngest was only 9 months. This just blew me off my feet. My open mind couldn’t accept that this man, who tried so hard to have a child with his wife could just go out and have an affair. I have never kissed or slept with Mr Executive nor am I planning to do so. Does this make me a good person? 😉

The honesty of these men is appealing but at the same time the information leaves me feeling angry.

I’m started to wonder what kind of aura I have to attract and let men like this into my life. If I was choosing a life partner they wouldn’t have made it passed the first drink. Should I really care about their life history as they never will be my life partner?

Then I am angry at “me”…I am like these men. I lie, I cheat, I leave my husband at the most vulnerable times. My anger for me is merely being projected at them, seeing the aspects I don’t like within me….disowning them and utilising my anger..full force at them.

Do I trust any of them? No. Do I want to trust them? No.

Then onto Mr M. He wanted to meet Tuesday of this week but I declined with an excuse of being busy. (I was busy planning to meet Simon, you see I tell the truth but not the full truth – I LIE). I didn’t correspond with him since to receive the following e-mail yesterday:

Lucy

Hope you are okay

I woke up this morning with a stronger desire than normal to fuck you very hard….

and….cum very hard in your mouth 😉

I am wondering if I could get to see you Monday 2nd or Tuesday 3rd September?

Have a good bank holiday

Mr M xxx

Another one…I asked him if he was back to that “site” where we had first met and he said no. But he was, looking and cheating on me. I have no right to be angry though as we never forged an “exclusivity” but he said many times without me asking “There is only you and my wife”. Only me and his wife? This makes me laugh, is there such a thing as an “exclusive” affair? Possibly not, for those who have experienced it or thought you did – good luck to you.

Why am I using my energy on these men? Over analysing their every word and hearing about their past.

I am at the stage that I think affairs are biting me and I wish to leave them far away…in never never land. To go on a journey to find me, forget about these men and find the containment within.

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3 Responses to “Affair partners…..”

  1. kat August 24, 2013 at 9:14 am #

    it may be interesting to see whats within. curious to see what comes next.

  2. forbiddenlove4u August 26, 2013 at 1:10 am #

    It with Kat on this one curious to see what come next.

    • mistress4u August 28, 2013 at 6:47 pm #

      Sigh…who is to know the path ahead, I hope I make wise choices. x

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