Tag Archives: lover

Who is sensei?

27 Aug

Sensei = translated from Japanese = “a person born before another” or “teacher“. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensei

*We are the opposites that attract; he is the dominant I his submissive.

*We are similar to each other; the secret love and special friend we have been waiting for.

*He nurtures my mind, soul and body; holds me when I am afraid but pushes my boundaries as he knows my true desires.

*We speak daily of fears, dreams, knowing parts of each other that no one else was keen to know.

*He binds me in rules but eager for me to fly.

*We are souls reunited with the passion of reading, being outdoors, food and sex.

*He chooses what I wear when I see him, from the underwear to the stockings I am here to please and obey him.

*We leave the outside world behind and in those stolen moments in each others arms we do belong.

*He is tall, educated, a romantic, married and older than I.

*I am not as tall as he, educated in a different way, an unromantic, married to another and younger than he.

*We are opposites.

*We are similar.

*He walks this journey with me, his wife does not know about me.

*I walk this journey with him, my husband does not know about him.

*This affair is like no other.

Advertisements

Notes to self…….

11 Jul

Mr M, you made me welcome 2013 with a bang by accepting my invitation of joining me on an adventure. On new years eve I sent you a message requesting your attendance to an “adventure for two” for the year ahead. You accepted! It is now summer and I have ended this crazy wonderful affair, hoping to live a life with purity and honesty, of that my husband deserves.

In these wild moments of life, I find I’m drawn to our affair however these notes are to serve a purpose, remind me it was the correct decision to end it. Oh how I wished I believed these notes.

Note 1.

The anxiety of my phone and laptops. Glittery technology is one of the best things to happen, enabling you and I to connect in the first place, without them it is highly probable we would never have met. However they have caused ,me great anxiety. I had to ensure only I had a password to my phone/laptop, too afraid our secret would have been found. Each night, like putting cream on my face I would ensure my emails, call logs and any other such information would be deleted.

Note 2.

Similar to the above, my beloved car. I had to constantly ensure I removed all traces of you. Not that you my married lover ever sat in my car but my dear husband does. Ensuring to clear the Sat Nav of the locations we met / hotels was a constant battle. Ensuring if I was travelling with my husband my Bluetooth of my phone was off incase Mr Husband would check the call logs on the dashboard or worse you would phone.

Note 3.

Sometimes, regrettably I didn’t feel in the mood to talk to you. You expected someone always laughing but I too, like your wife have “bad” days. I don’t think you wanted this from your lover and I guess I started to feel I was “acting” for you. This should never have been the case.

Note 4.

What started as a thrill..your name zapping on my screen with an email nearly tore me apart at the end. You made me wait 48hrs once, suddenly disappearing without a warning and reappearing with an apology. You had company and couldn’t email. The lies started from there, to cope I started leaving it longer to email you. Constantly longing for your emails or the sound of your voice was not pleasant. I will not miss this.

Note 5.

The planning of the telephone calls pushed my patience…I’m the most impatient person in the world. The planning of meeting, seemed like a chore in the end. But yet we tried and weeks went by at times with us failing to meet up, due to life events for both of us. If I wish to engage in an affair again I will ensure to have worked on my patience, life events, family, partners come in the way.

Note 6.

I wonder if you or any other men know the fine details us females have to make to meet you. I may have only been your lover but each time we met I ensured my hair, waxing, nails were perfect for you. I have no doubt you would have accepted me as who I was. Juggling these additional appointments made me tired. It is enough to do it only for my husband

Note 7.

Sex was expected everytime we met, on my part as well. I won’t miss covering the marks on my body or being unable to have sex with my husband during this time, too scared he would know I was with another.

Note 8.

The lies, deceit and constant covering of my tracks. I felt a sense of shame (still do) of all the things I lied about to ensure my tracks were covered. Where I was, who I was with…even down to using cash instead of credit card, throwing away the receipts so they wouldn’t be found, no itemised phone bills….the list continues

Note 9.

The feeling of being your “free whore/prostitute”. With all due respect to this paid world, it left me questioning myself after the sexual encounters. There I was, on reflection providing a “free service”. Although I must admit you provided this service to me.

Note 10.

I started to feel depleted by you, questioning what I was getting from this special friendship. In the last call, over two weeks now, you didn’t even ask how I was but straight away spoke of your work. Damn, this angers me. To then continue and say you were in good health and all was well. Unknown to you I had news of treatment I had to receive (non-sexual thank gosh)…did you really care?

Note 11.

I was there to keep your marriage alive. The sex was missing at your end, unlike mine…I didn’t sign up for this sex role. I wanted fun, a spark with a bit of sex but it became a routine for us…meeting for dinner and ending in the hotel room. It would have been nicer to have been able to do other things, we lived miles from each other and the locations we met at were miles from each others homes/respective lives..the habit was not on my list as a priority or indeed that of an affair…..

There is my sweet notes of reminder….I can write at least 20 reasons why I would still want this affair to continue…but for now..I have to remind myself it is over.

 

 

My lover by night

9 Jul

Night time falls across this land

While others asleep I am

awakened to the pumping blood of my heart

The moon will guide me

eagerly I do slip

Your waiting at the door with

a kindred heart so true

This is where the secrets

lye (lie) between you and I

I wonder who was here before I

To both our truths we know

won’t be each others last

For now until the dawn breaks 

it will only be our world

Only too soon we know its our time

day time falls across the land

While others awake I am

sleepy to your heart beat

So we return to the lives we belong so well

You a husband, a father

Me a wife, yet to be a mother

For now our secret belongs to the

night and our dear friend the moon

Reflection…..of my actions…

8 Jul

The purity of the white dress

in the reflection of the mirror

The day I marry thee and remain like this to death does us part

I wear the encrusted circle band with pride

Vowing to never love another

Yet here I am today

this present moment on, 

reflecting on the naivety of it all

Your innocent bride, I, did fall

The wife you adore, cherish above all others

Has dwindled our love to the ground

I have not loved another before

with the exceptions of the fatal nights

I did not care for you then my husband

but I came to you all the same

The sweat upon my brow

the tingles between my thighs

I’m sorry I have forsaken you

but this is the life I know

The secret of my calling

is to bring pleasure to another man

He too is married, with a wife he tells me

Our nights are spent upon a world

that we keep from both of you

When we make love it is purely for the sex

and home I come to you for the sweetest love

The guilt and shame do wreck me but I know

of no other road

To keep our marriage scared I do keep this secret safe

For when you touch and love me, it is you I do belong

The others can wait while you need me

And for now, here I am, my husband

Your innocent wife

When the timekeeper says it up, it is with you I do lay

These other men do not touch you they are my 

drug for yesterdays

The chiming clock reminds me….

Our anniversary is near

The first encounter….January

1 Jul

This was to follow the blog “one snowy night”…it seems to be mixed up, sorry!

We had met once before but this meeting was planned by booking separate hotel rooms within the same hotel. I arrived straight after my conference. Parked my hotel and took a few seconds in the car to gather my thoughts. I was so busy over the week, I just wanted time to think…was I doing the right thing? Ah, how could it be. Something made me get out of the car. Gathering my bags I walked into the hotel lobby. I smiled, if only these guests knew what I was up to. I felt excitement in my stomach, heart racing a little wondering if he was already here. We had planned to meet at 8pm in the hotel bar, giving me 2 hours to get ready but I had phone calls to make. Upon checking in on my room I quickly showered. For those who may have had an affair and busy with home and working life, you will probably know planning and planning is the only way forward. I didn’t realise until now how much I can pack in a day, between rushing to hair salons and getting waxed/nails done prior to the secret meetings and trying to live a normal life at the same time. 

I quickly showered, my nails, toes nails, waxing and hair had already been done. I only had to be sure to have my make-up and body at its best prior to 8pm. I juggled calls while moisturising. I opted for a simple low cut navy dress with a split up the front. I looked very different from our first encounter when it was a knitted dress. 

The lift brought me up to the hotel bar…upon entrance I saw him straight away a the bar, there was a few people around. All I had was eyes for him. If I close my eyes I can see it in slow motion…him smiling back and each step towards him seemed to take ages. Looking back I wonder if Mr M was surprised by the way I looked, he commented a few weeks afterwards that he would never forget me walking out of the lift. I wonder now if he recalls saying that, does that memory come alive for him? ……

We had dinner, I was tipsy on the wine. And afterwards in the cold I had a cigarette. He didn’t smoke. We had a drink at the downstairs bar, he touched me for the first time that night, the split of my dress revealing my legs and he rubbed them and then we kissed, passionately. Only one other person was in the bar, I wonder if he knew or maybe wondered if were working partners embarking on an illicit encounter. We soon found ourselves next to the lift, letting others go first and he whispered in my ear that he wanted to be alone with me. I smiled, yes I did also. We went to my room. I undressed and said there was to be no sex, oh that was the wine…undressing and saying no sex?!! Deep down, I knew he was a stranger but we had talked for hours over the last 6 weeks. We kissed, touched and before I knew it we had sex in every position possible. It lasted for hours, my imagination is not playing tricks…yes we snoozed on and off but it was one of the wildest nights I could recall. 

He left the room early, he had work and I had to travel back…it was a Friday. He called when he got to work to make sure I was off. I smiled to see Mr M name appear on my phone and he thanked me for a wonderful night. I smiled too.

Later he said he felt comfortable during that night, I did too. The guilt was buried deep in my stomach…I had sex with someone else, not my husband and all I did was smile at the first encounter. Surely there was more to come…and better and wonderful.

When Mr M and I first started to chat on Illicit encounters we said it was like an interview for a job, we then made a contract after our first encounter. It entailed the following:

Contract

No texting, contact via email/phone calls

No ringing our home phones

If one of us was to be caught, protect the others identity

Use condoms – silly silly us, we didn’t. I have since been tested, all clear. How stupid was I.

I can’t remember the other details of the contract, those stood out most for me. 

On the Friday evening I had my first panic, the paranoia was increasing. I had been emailing Mr M from my i phone / laptop from a hotmail account. Unlike him I didn’t trust him with my email account. I was concerned my husband would come across the hotmail account if I didn’t regularly delete my history. So I forwarded him my work email address…the paranoia and anxiety of what I was doing was temporarily eased.

Going out with friends and my husband that weekend I smiled knowing my secret. To them I am innocent although my husband tends to get jealous, mostly to do with my flirting but I would never do anything. I am merely friendly, which he terms jealousy. I led the double life that weekend, like I have done since. Contacting Mr M at any chance I could and smiling when I saw his email appear on my phone. The thrill was now in place and the dynamics of our dance planning our next meeting for February. The third meeting, would it be so lucky like the previous? Yes