Tag Archives: spanking

One step forward….two steps back…

3 Sep

but with greater awareness.

The more that we hide behind the stark reality of who we are the more these aspects are buried but at some stage they will arise and with greater intensity.

All these aspects require a defence to ease the anxiety. For me, I have a few defences – smoking, affairs and being a submissive. All an addiction and did I mention sex, the sweet joyful sex – erotic enough to have you savour the moment for all your tomorrows.

Although these defences served me purpose in the past they have become unhealthy.

Wipe away my cool exterior, the make-up, the perfect outfit and here I sit vulnerable. The shame comes in sweeps, not a tame current but a tidal wave drowning my existence.

That same shame hit me last night in the throws of spending another evening with Simon. We stayed in an apartment – hotel, it was perfect. We chatted intensely over dinner, if you are to ask me what we chatted about – I can’t recall but there wasn’t any silences. Three bottles of wine later we were soaking in a bath, lit only by candles (to melt on my body) and everything felt so right. My defence was letting me forget “me” and all that comes with being me, there I was being admired by this man…

We had sex in the bath to then continue in the bedroom. It was purest to the sense I have ever known for vanilla sex but that didn’t last long…he spanked me, whipped me with a crop, a paddle….

And there we had sex again…maybe several times and though it fulfilled me in every manner I still wanted more…something in me wasn’t satisfied. The sex was my defence last night….

To the outside world a perfect evening…the windows were ajar and in the heat of the moment I heard passer-by’s and was strangely aroused by this concept of someone hearing us..this seemed to turn me on more and I thought of others watching us….

But there in the middle of the night, my body sprawled naked around Simon the real me “Lucy” and all her anxieties hit. And I cried…I cried with guilt and shame of what I was doing to my husband. I saw a vivid image of my husband in my thoughts, being at home alone and finally realised he is worth much more than what I have to give.

I don’t know how Simon felt about my upset. We both didn’t sign up to an affair that would have his married lover crying with guilt about her husband. I don’t know how men usually respond to this as I have never experienced this upset with any of them before.

Simon held me, cuddled and gave me tissues. Within a few minutes I had composed myself and back to kindered spirit that Simon thinks of me. On reflection I wondered if I felt safe to open up to him….I don’t know.

As for today, the drive to work was awful. Even the radio couldn’t drown out my actions or the thoughts I had. I wanted to cry but the “ice-queen” in me had returned, the emotions were buried and was to be dealt with another time.

To think that once upon a time I was thrilled with the concept of being the other women, disregarding the wife as if I owed her nothing, to not think of her life or the life of others, treating them all like puppets so I can ease my anxiety and here I am now….wanting to erase it all and not having a clue how or what I should do.

It is a lonely place to carry this secret alone and have others to think of you as “special” when you see your reflection it was only one of disgust.

Then again…I will arise from this place and carry on like I have done before but this time I can see through the clouds and know the path I am wishing to take.

I just hope I don’t continue this affair with Simon and somewhere in him or me we finish it before I spiral into depths that I can’t return from.


The Lovers – Nocturnal Activity

17 Aug

The Lovers - Nocturnal Activity

After seeing Simon for three times and not involving anything sexual (very strange for me) we had our first night together.

I wish I could say it was fireworks but the relationship between Simon and I is somewhat different from the affairs I had before.

The hotel he booked was a castle in the countryside. It was charming and intriguing as he. On entering “our bedroom” for the night and on seeing the four poster bed I wanted him to tie me up there and then; taking me from behind.

“I have trouble reading you Lucy, what do you really want from tonight?”. I hide my emotions and thoughts well; I was wet and he hadn’t even touched me.

Feeling his dick rub against me; we kissed with his fingers putting pressure on my neck. I found myself flowing to another world; the world where I would forget everything and everyone, belonging only to the one who was dominating me.

We stopped as soon as it began, both hungry for sex but requiring dinner.

Dinner was fun, relaxed and he could have sat there without talking as the connection I feel when I am with him is more than words alone. I truly desire this man, in whatever form he presents to me. Enjoying a drink outside I felt I wasn’t in England, this man provides me an “escape” from the reality of the stresses and the responsible life I lead.

He had bought sex toys and plenty of them. Never being dominant before or using sex toys he seemed excited by the thought. His interest compelled him to do much research and some of his ideas are even knew to me. Yes, it would be easier to have someone with experience of dominance but underneath Simons cool exterior I think it has always been there; remaining hidden but slowly coming to the surface.

The night was “vanilla sex”. On any first time with a dominant I need to know if there is a “true connection” if there was to be any form of dominance I merely think there is a connection.

Simon was different from any of my previous lovers. He was attentive, naturally strong in his personality and his touch spiralled me into a submissive role without any constraints, whips, spanking or gags. I find myself going a little crazy reflecting on this, especially me the person who remains disconnected with the men I have affairs with but I felt more of a connection with Simon than I have ever done. It was like he was the lost part of me, I feel whole when he is near.

I don’t normally lye in a lovers arms after sex but there we lay in the four poster bed, sweat dripping from us both and his touch didn’t feel strange; it mesmerised me. I couldn’t help but cuddle him, touch every part of him and feel as close. Even when we eventually slept, I awoke him cuddling me from behind; holding me and I did not have the urge or need to push him away.

We had sex numerous times that night and with every orgasm prior and during sex, the insistent longing for him kept burning. To “cum” together seemed so powerful and raw. To have him tell me to “cum” and demand me to do so – although a form of dominance seemed so right.

The only sex toy we used was a magic bullet. He knew I was fond of them after telling him how I lost one many years ago. He thanked me for allowing him to use it on me; I too used it on him and he enjoyed the tip of his dick feeling the soothing sensations of something small but yet so powerful.

We had sex in the morning again. Me lying face down on my stomach and him entering me from behind. His body capturing and tantalising my every need for him. I was wet, dripping and have never felt my body respond like this before. He slipped out of me several times and then I was on my knees feeling him forging into me to then sit back on top of him. I was truly lost in the moment when he rubbed his hand over my clit. I can not begin to describe his touch – The only word I can think is euphoria.

I showered, changed – ready for my real role in the life I know so well. We ended up kissing and cuddling; sitting on top of him I longed to have him inside me again “Your insatiable Lucy”.

While he was in the shower I was ready to go..”Simon, I’m going”. He was surprised by this matter fact way of my departure. I was back into my detached self, no emotions and caring not for kisses. He didn’t let me go without a kiss. I know myself the departure was “cold” but something inside me got frightened by the closeness of the night we had. I usually disappear around 4am when I spend a night with a lover and with Simon even 9.30am seemed far to early to go.

We have spoken and texted since Thursday morning. He was in the area yesterday (Friday) and wanted to know if we could meet up for lunch. I declined; I need to keep myself safe from this strange and wonderful connection I have with him.

We plan to meet Wednesday afternoon as he will be passing through the area again. I am looking forward already to spending 3 hours with this wonderful stranger I have termed Simon. We will not be spending private time together, instead it will be lunch and coffee….this is strange to me….it has always been sex with the others (except Mr A), but with the start of this glorious affair; I feel an emotional connection blossoming and I’m scared.


2 Aug

Stockings are an aspect of her, a drawer dedciated to them.

Nothing beats the tiny thrill of preparing her clothes and opening a gleaming sachet to reveal the stockings she has chosen.

Silky in touch, sometimes clear, sometimes pattern, sometimes plain black…..

She takes care in gliding them over her slender legs, they are merely hold ups – snuggling around the top of her thigh. She feels the clear sticky band take hold of her upper skin leg and there my heart beat quickens. She feels wet by the touch.

The routine is not complete, her bra is next. Usually black or grey with some unique design.. matching her somber but yet playful mood. She does not care for colour only recently adding blue when it was to be someones favourite colour.

Her breasts are in place and she touches the nipples craving for them to be sucked.

Her brazilian thongs always matching the bra snuggles between her ass….fingers, cocks, tongues, fingers, magic bullets and vibrators have all been before. The lace of the thongs highlight her hairlessness, the way she prefers.

To the heels, black patent with a underheel of red. Her naughty side revealed.

She glimpes her reflection in the mirror, she smiles….it does not reveal all.

Her remaining body gets smothered in cream and perfume.

The dress, black and elegant to the knees….snuggling her body to perfection.

Her breasts and ass are highlighted, her slender legs are covered….

She is ready for her master.

Whip me, bite me, eat me, tease me are engraved on the back of the stockings….. (agent provocateurs finest!)


Whip Me……..

2 Aug

Whip Me........

I picture


Crisp white sheets

Elegant bedroom

Full length mirror

Brazen corset and heels


Me facing the mirror

Him stood behind me

Sun streaming in

The bite of my earlobe, gently

Teeth grazing my shoulders

A fist wrapped in my hair

Hair pulled back

So he can run his tongue the full length of my throat

and taste me


to bite my lips

and to look into my eyes

Before holding my wrists behind my back

and drawing me every so close against him

Thick, unrelenting…filling

The possibilities are endless

“Sir, please whip me”.

A beautiful night to remember…..

5 Jul

On all fours I am waiting for your order, breathing becoming shallower for the desire I know to come.

You have me waiting, wet…taking as long as you can to look at my body.

You have yet to touch me but I know you are near, your getting harder..the breathe on my neck signals to move to lye on my back and spread my legs.

Your smiling and looking into my eyes, you are satisfied with the wonder in front of you.

My mind is in this hotel room, my external worried, my fancy job…my fancy house…my beloved husband does not enter my thoughts. You remind it is the same for you.

For tonight it is just us, a pleasure for two…

You push two fingers in to feel the wetness and demand I now play with my clit. I complete this order with standards I have learnt from a man before you,

Biting my inner thigh I know your tongue is near and can’t help to push your head further….

You hold me down with two arms, forcing your weight on me ….and take me forcefully

I feel all of you inside me…you remind me, like many times before of my tightness…this seems to turn you on more

Tonight you want me from behind…who am I to argue?

Prior to taking me you twist my long hair around your right hand and pull gently at first, my head pulled backwards…

Your kneeling over me and your left hand spanks me until I beg for you to take me again

From behind you enter me, again I feel it…I orgasm with the force and beg to be taken harder….

When you are near to orgasm you spank me more…my thoughts are this blissful mindful state…of euphoria…like a drug flowing my body…the sensation of pain takes over…my mind and body is now yours.

I kneel before you…taking your wholesome self in my mouth…my finger gliding to the spot behind your balls and we finish together in what I call a…..

beautiful night to remember.

Thank you Mr M. x