Tag Archives: submissive
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Wildest Moments……..

7 Sep

Sometimes I wonder if the calmness I feel is the calmness of the storm ahead or is it the aftermath of the storm I’ve been through?
I can’t decide….
Phew, it’s been a busy week with work. It has been welcomed as it leaves my personal life to one side. Then again, my personality is that of an addict, I swap from one addiction to another and I guess this week I have returned to the work addict. Like all my addictions, my busy week at work enabled me to experience the freedom from my thoughts, my actions…the feelings.
My boundaries, although still in practice have not worked to my advantage. With clear strength on Tuesday to avoid interactions with Simon it didn’t last long, one day to be exact. I lasted Tuesday afternoon, evening and finally caved in on Wednesday.
I ended the relationship via text, which only triggered anger in Simon. Apparently he is much more insecure in this affair than I. That’s the thing, the dynamics of what we have in our marriage comes to light at some stage within the affair. And like with my husband, I reassured Simon via an email.

To: Simon From: Lucy Date: 6th September 2013
Subject: Things I like about you.

To Simon, hopefully the below information will reassure you a little xx

1. The way you are simply you, saying it how it is and not simply agreeing with me for the sake of it (best quality).
2. It is all or nothing, black or white with you, funny or angry and just like your tattoos they are opposite also
3. Your accent – sexy
4. You have so much charisma
5. That we can speak about a wide range of subjects
6. How I can be just “me” in your company and for that little while I spend with you I forget the stress and feel so content. The most wonderful feeling
7. The way you rub my leg….mmmmm
8. The way you say hmmm hmmm
9. Your good morning texts make me smile
10. Seeing a message and finding its from you
11. The way your not afraid to try new things
12. For enabling me to trust you as I can simply enter sub space by having you near
13. For you not realising how much I adore you
14. Being attentive in every way, especially sexually
15. The sex with you is amazing, just one thought of you turns me on
16. You can simply show your insecurities and not care
17. Your patience – gosh you need it with me
18. That you can push my boundaries e.g. i would never had let anyone touch me like you did at that garden we visited
19. You make me feel safe in a strange sort of way
20. You don’t know how attractive you are
21. So calming when I cried, you didn’t try to fix the situation – you were there
22. Your cock, I wish to worship it 😉
23. Sometimes you ask me what that look is for / think I’m not pleased to be with / think I’m cold but you don’t realise that most times I’m just in awe to be in your company
24. That you spend time with me

His reply

Lucy

God I love you xxxxxx

Not in a threatening way to your marriage (I would never do that to you)

I miss you terribly when we are not together or we don’t speak or text for even a few hours

I continually have to pinch myself when you are with me as you are so beautiful, confident and drop dead gorgeous I ask myself what you could possibly see in me.

You make me smile just by thinking of you and I love your sense of humour and wicked imagination.

You do have one of the best poker faces I have ever seen and I’d hate to play against you – I’d be broke in no time lol 😉

I am always hard whenever I think of you or being with you or just listen to you.

You were amazing the other night when you deep throated me all the way down and I loved you for trying and wanting to do it to please me. Ass fucking next 😉 lol

You are insatiable and I love that when we do get time together we do genuinely fuck all night long.

I especially like looking at you when you are laying on the bed beside me and can only admire your pure and unpretentious beauty.

I especially like having you close in bed with your head on my chest and cuddling up to you when we finish making love.

You are so special to me and whilst I know we disagree on the whole soul mate thing in my mind you are most definitely mine.

You are my equal in every way and I respect you more than you know.

I know you often describe us as strangers but you know more about me than probably any other person on the planet. Believe it or not I very rarely tell anyone anything about the inner me – so believe me when I tell you “You are good” lol

I also love the way I feel inside you and the fact that I am big enough to please you and fill you deep.

I love trying new things and I know you sometime think me strange but I really enjoy giving you pleasure and never having used toys before this is opening up a whole new world to me and will give me many more ways to do so.

Thank you also for remembering me mention I had never fucked a woman in the Reverse Cowgirl Position and for jumping on and doing that for me.

I genuinely love everything about you and especially that fiery **** (reveals personal information) nature of yours because I can relate strongly to that passionate and intense side to you.

As our relationship grows we will become more in tune with one another of that I am sure and I will start to know what you are thinking and the mood you are in. The upside of our occasional fiery episode will be the fiery and passionate making up we get to do.

Thanks to you life is for living again and I look forward immensely to every text, chat and time we get together babe.

You complete me xxxxxxxxxxx

His words are much better than words than I. I am sceptical of his sweet sugar coated words, he is married, a cheat like I – how can his words be true? Then again, even if he was single I would still doubt anyone’s ability to see me in the way they do. Only I and you my dear reader know the true hidden extent of me and the life I lead. Even I forget at times that people read my words, only being reminded by the comments I receive. I panic that a reader knows about my life, the true extent of my fucked up behaviour. I then panic that Simon or anybody I know will find this blog and know everything about me.

Upon reading Simons reply I had tears in my eyes. I don’t know if it is the way he sees me, or the fact he is still a puppet? Or if deep down I get this sense of belonging with him, is this what it is like to be in love? Of course not, it is an affair ….it is a fantasy but what if…

What if…….these wildest moments are perfection

Writing to My Sensei

30 Aug

To: Sensei

From: Lucy

12th August

There she was finally knelt before him. Vulnerability cursed her soul, the only way she knew excitement. The body longed for his complete control and he was willing to provide it.

His order came fast. The heart quickened eager to please, the hand in her hair raised her head to look into his eyes. This was the part she disliked most, her eyes were the only part of her that showed desire, need, pleasure and fear; only those truly connected could tell her emotions.

She wished she was blindfolded.

He saw her pleasure and longing for him as he rubbed his dick gently over her lips. Her tongue crept to the edge for just one lick and he allowed her that; twirling around the thickness. She was ready to suck him but he ordered for her to sit up and spread her legs wider ” so I can see all“.

There she was, exposed to him – to be looked at while he tied her up, arms behind her back in the favourite position she knew so well.

In that gleeful moment the tingling hot sensation crept through her veins flowing to her skin her mind free to allow her body to accept his orders, touch and whatever was to be. his touch unfamiliar curved her stomach teasing her inner thigh with his fingers and the feeling of his breath upon her.

She opened her legs further inviting him to join, her eyes focusing on his dick. The cool hands pushed her head down she was not to look, only at the floor.

The fingers of his hands opened to grip the pressure points of her neck. He was now behind her, his dick rubbing against the small of her back his left hand covering her mouth and the right moving in circling movements until he reached her clit, his head bent so he could graze his teeth over her neck. All they had been waiting for had begun…….

———————————————————————————————————————————–

Upon his request and much to my reluctance my dearest Sensei requested for me to write  about our first night (as above). Prior to this he had shared via e-mail on what he would think our first night would be like. His writing tantalised my senses, senses I didn’t even know I had. Through the course of several days and three e-mails later he had imprinted vivid thoughts on what it would be like to be alone with him.

Our first night together, over two weeks ago was somewhat different from both of our fantasies but still invigorating enough to have us meet again last week for a brief afternoon encounter. Unfortunately with my work schedule and home life we were unable to meet this week but our souls will be intertwined again on Monday.

 

Who is sensei?

27 Aug

Sensei = translated from Japanese = “a person born before another” or “teacher“. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensei

*We are the opposites that attract; he is the dominant I his submissive.

*We are similar to each other; the secret love and special friend we have been waiting for.

*He nurtures my mind, soul and body; holds me when I am afraid but pushes my boundaries as he knows my true desires.

*We speak daily of fears, dreams, knowing parts of each other that no one else was keen to know.

*He binds me in rules but eager for me to fly.

*We are souls reunited with the passion of reading, being outdoors, food and sex.

*He chooses what I wear when I see him, from the underwear to the stockings I am here to please and obey him.

*We leave the outside world behind and in those stolen moments in each others arms we do belong.

*He is tall, educated, a romantic, married and older than I.

*I am not as tall as he, educated in a different way, an unromantic, married to another and younger than he.

*We are opposites.

*We are similar.

*He walks this journey with me, his wife does not know about me.

*I walk this journey with him, my husband does not know about him.

*This affair is like no other.

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The e-mail

23 Aug

The e-mail

While deleting e-mails last night I came across one from Mr M that I hadn’t previously deleted. It was sent in the midst of winter, January to be exact. I can remember the coldness, the closeness we shared but they are merely far away thoughts.

The subject was: What animal would you be?

I remember him phoning me in the midst of returning his e-mail for him to provide the answer to what I would be.

A wild horse.

A wild horse?

I wanted to be a “nice” kitten, an animal to be held, looked after, caressed and cherished. Deep within me this desire must exist on a human level.

Instead, I project this image to the outside world….

* Dressed in pencil skirts & shirts mid-week then the relaxed look at week-end. I will be the one wearing the dress on the Saturday night, holding hands with my husband usually within a group. I’m the friendly one, making everyone laugh – hugging & kissing friends and family on both cheeks as they arrive and leave. Everyone will feel desired and loved, I’m still waiting for that feeling to arrive with me but nobody seems to notice as I’m the…..

* impermeable one to who meets me.

* Fiercely independent, the quality they most admire but if someone took their time, to really uncover this pretence they will see the fears that drive the independence, keeping me “alone” with no real attachment and constantly running from the outside world and the thoughts I have within me.

* The charming female, there is an actress within me. I’m always listening, responding with the right words. I get to know you like no other, telling me fears and dreams, I carry everyone’s secrets well. While the real me is hidden, I carry my secrets upon my back in a heavy sack.

In secret….

* I cry alone, the sadness getting too much. My eyes become swollen and I look like I have hay-fever.

* I daydream of being a princess for a day 😉

* I watch myself in the mirror, disliking the parts of me that many love…my eyes “Lucy, the windows to your soul”. If you saw my soul and the things I do, would you be my friend. “Your smile lights up the room”….it covers my breaking heart….”You have perfect legs”…would you still like them if you saw them wrapped around a strangers body last night?

* I have sex with married men. Entering an affair to escape the reality. I play them like a violin, enticing them to leave them without a good-bye.

* I spend nights with these men but leave during the middle of the night or early morning (5/6am). Unfortunately with Simon I stayed till morning (note to self: don’t do this again).

And to the animal, what would I be….the wild horse. Mr M was right. Unfortunately I’m too scared to be that kitten, to be rejected and left alone.

Until the wild horse meets the kitten within, I continue…it’s another day, the pencil skirt is waiting to mask this body of mine, the smile is ready to come and there I will walk. This body of mine will carry me, fending off the demons in my head…I’m a strong and independent women longing to be the submissive that’s in my head.

Stockings

2 Aug

Stockings are an aspect of her, a drawer dedciated to them.

Nothing beats the tiny thrill of preparing her clothes and opening a gleaming sachet to reveal the stockings she has chosen.

Silky in touch, sometimes clear, sometimes pattern, sometimes plain black…..

She takes care in gliding them over her slender legs, they are merely hold ups – snuggling around the top of her thigh. She feels the clear sticky band take hold of her upper skin leg and there my heart beat quickens. She feels wet by the touch.

The routine is not complete, her bra is next. Usually black or grey with some unique design.. matching her somber but yet playful mood. She does not care for colour only recently adding blue when it was to be someones favourite colour.

Her breasts are in place and she touches the nipples craving for them to be sucked.

Her brazilian thongs always matching the bra snuggles between her ass….fingers, cocks, tongues, fingers, magic bullets and vibrators have all been before. The lace of the thongs highlight her hairlessness, the way she prefers.

To the heels, black patent with a underheel of red. Her naughty side revealed.

She glimpes her reflection in the mirror, she smiles….it does not reveal all.

Her remaining body gets smothered in cream and perfume.

The dress, black and elegant to the knees….snuggling her body to perfection.

Her breasts and ass are highlighted, her slender legs are covered….

She is ready for her master.

Whip me, bite me, eat me, tease me are engraved on the back of the stockings….. (agent provocateurs finest!)

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Memories….

1 Aug

To set the scene,

it’s warm, my windows are open to the garden, I’m watching a butterfly…white and pure; the innocent one of us both.

The trees are not bare, their leaves glistening in various colours. The roses are in full bloom, the sunflowers are standing tall….

my dog is barking, the other is sleeping…

me…I’m tired of the game I play.

The outside world continues and here I am in memories of yesterdays.

I am running to Mr A, we hadn’t seen each other for 2 months. I moved to a “hotter country”, it was after my first year at university and I was spending the summer there. She, me, the mistress, Lucy is running to him. Her long hair is flowing and she jumps on him and he twirls her around. He kisses every part of her face and neck, here for one week they will belong. Him the dominant one, her the submissive….both escaping from reality.

He’s getting married upon his return. “Lucy, just tell me you don’t want me to get married and I won’t”. I never told him I didn’t want him to get married. I left it open with a kiss on his forehead. I wanted him to tell me he didn’t want to get married.

We made love during that week together, a closeness we both spoke about many years after. He bought me a necklace that I still have, cherished with the other moments but the sweetest rawest gifts are the memories….the memories of training me to be his submissive, the spanking but most of all knowing my mind, soul and spirit.

We danced in tune, an odd couple to some I was in the midst of my youth while he was quite and gently older than me.

When we said good-bye after that week I didn’t cry. I knew in my soul part of me would always be with him wherever or whoever he would be. I was right, during that week we celebrate our one year together…9 glorious years was further added, both growing in a space that we never thought would be.

He returned and he married. I heard through friends it was a “beautiful day”…what did I do, I spent the day fucking my boss.

I didn’t see him until October, wearing his gold band…it was different. I was now officially his mistress. I cried with him that day, this man I loved and always would…would never be mine….

I cried more when he died.

I don’t even know if Simon, Mr M…or even my darling husband will ever be able to awaken the soul that has been chipped away.

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Out of date……

29 Jul

Out of date......

In time I will be out of date.

The youth I have on my side will be no desire to the men I admire. They will seek a younger model.

The wives of the married men will be safe from my claws but another women will be waiting.

My body will only crave the desire in gleeful moments for the affairs I have grown used to. Instead the body I own will be encased in my husband’s arms I will long to hug me only.

My time will not allow me to talk to the men that have entered and left, I will look back on the moments with shame and guilt when eventually I have children of my own……looking into their eyes and learning them the values and beliefs I so wish I had. I will be a hypocrite.

In time I will be out of date.

The sexualisation I use within my power will not draw these men to me. I will make space in my heart and soul to say good-bye to their lies, deceitfulness and the addiction they so crave. In turn I will say good-bye to that part of me.

The sense of forgiveness to these men will enable me to understand my own faults and crimes for walking with these accomplices, leading the double life but not enjoying the current moment.

My memories will remind me that I never loved any of them, I missed out on the cherished moments with my husband when my mind space was elsewhere.

Although my journey, my life, my adventure will continue in those lonely moments it will remind me of how all the wives felt when their husband, their beloved man spent cherished time with me. It is then my actions will haunt me.

In time I will be out of date to all the men who have cherished me….
You will not crave me…..
You will not want me……
You will not think me…..
You will not need me…..
You will not care for me……
You will have another submissive

Me, I will be out of date, replaced by a newer model for you to have your affair with.